The Messy Middle
I’m currently in the midst of transforming my art studio into a more inspiring creative space. There’s a couple of organized shelves, but mostly it’s bins and loose objects on the floor and all of the surfaces. Most of the walls are painted, with one big section of the back wall left. I’ve been painting in turtle steps, which are basically very small steps to big goals. To take an effective turtle step you do as little as possible. That’s right, sounds crazy! You do something so small you think “Wow, that’s nothing!”
Turtle steps might look like:
-taking pictures of my loom for a flyer
-dropping these photos onto a flyer document with a title and a price
-later going back to this document to add detailed text
-listing my loom and weaving equipment for sale (each site I used was 1 turtle step)
-coordinating these sales with buyers (this included many turtle steps, conversations, and changed minds)
-moving furniture out of one corner of the room + vacuuming there
-removing light switch and socket covers + taping over them, the baseboards and the trim
Here’s what this approach can look like
-painting trim with a brush in that 1st corner
-painting a 2nd coat of trim
-painting that corner with a roller brush
-doing touch ups
-removing tape and reinstalling socket/light switch covers
-moving furniture back to that area (and I then repeated this piece by piece approach with 2 other corners of the studio)
Though it may look like chaos currently, upon deeper inspection, it’s actually progress. I wanted to write to you today in case you need that reminder. Sometimes when you’re making space for the things you want in your life, things will look a total mess. This upheaval can be a truly difficult time to wade through, as we so desperately want our outer world to reflect calm. If you’re anything like me, you get anxious for the payoff of these changes you’re making. I’ve been grappling recently with why action mode can be such a challenge for me personally, and I think this is it. It’s how out of order and messy everything looks as I sort through and release everything that’s no longer serving me. It feels like this when I do inner work as well. But it’s interactions, decisions, and a whole lot of mistakes when it’s an internal change.
I’m using this studio transformation as an opportunity to really lean into going slow and working through all of those thoughts, and resulting emotions, that come up through this process. Maybe like me, you’re a woman who was taught to measure her worth by her productivity. And this isn’t progress that’s easy to see from an outside perspective.
Chaos or progress?
The other day, my dad was over and we were standing in the studio talking while he was using my printer. I’d just finished the 3rd section of wall, so most of the room was painted. Feeling accomplished, I said to him, “So, what do you think of the studio? Big change, huh?” And he replied, “Ya, kind of a mess.” I laughed and said, “But the walls, Dad, can’t you see it’s coming together?” And he looked around for a minute and said “Well, ya, the walls do look nice.” This interaction really made me laugh. Me from a few years ago might’ve taken it personally, felt like he wasn’t giving me the credit I deserved. But it was more like an inside joke with myself. It was so funny to me because of course he doesn’t see it, but I was proud of myself for seeing beyond the mess and through to the progress. It’s not always easy to do.
Today I’d set aside time to write, and it was so tempting to throw myself at the studio renovation instead, hustling to get it finished so I could stomp out any of the disquiet I feel about being in the midst of this transition. And I’m proud of myself for that too, for sitting down amongst the clutter to write to you, for diving into the thoughts and feelings I’m having instead of trying to push them away or cover them up. It’s all a beautiful opportunity. There’s a lot of chaos in the world right now, and I hope I can bring myself to sit as a compassionate witness to all that’s unfolding. The messy middle is full of lessons on our humanity.
So, I urge you to try out turtle stepping on your own big projects. If it feels overwhelming, it’s the perfect thing to break down into teeny, tiny steps. And then, give yourself so much grace as you slow it down and lean into all you notice about yourself and any tendencies, say to rush projects or abandon them, etc. The key to this exploration is to remain curious and self-compassionate. Every time we seek change, we must “rearrange the furniture” on the inside. So, instead of rushing from start to finish, can we savor the process?
Xoxo,
Rebecca