The Universe Can Sense Desperation

Have you ever wanted something so desperately that it made you feel powerless? Waiting and praying and wanting consuming you and your thoughts. The lack of control eating away at you and sowing doubt in the universe’s ability or desire to help you in your quest. Maybe it starts as just caring about how the thing turns out, and then it morphs into obsessing. You start to fear that you want it too much, and that the vulnerability of that wanting might just do you in. I’ve had this experience many times before. It’s often been in regards to an opportunity, something where another human is holding the cards. That human is picking up on what you’re putting out, and you know if you weren’t so eager, you’d be more appealing to them. You can feel your clinginess and try to mask it, but your nerves are going haywire and you end up self sabotaging. And then after a torturous waiting period where you replay every dumb or contrived thing you said or wrote, you get the news, and even though you already kinda knew, you feel utterly crushed. Calling these instances letdowns feels like an understatement.

That desperation, my friends, is called outcome attachment. Outcome attachment is grounded in the belief that a specific circumstance is the only thing that can give you what you need (and that you know best what that is). Usually, we’re hoping for a specific feeling, one that will banish self doubt maybe. And when things don’t turn out as we hoped, we have to find our own way out. Go through this enough and you lose faith that the universe actually wants to help you. I say the universe, but call it what you wish, God, the Creator, Mother Earth, it’s a force bigger than you as an individual. And if we use these instances as proof that the universe is out to get us, will we ever trust anything outside of ourselves? What if the universe is giving us exactly what we need? As every time we go through this, we learn that releasing control and learning to trust is the best way forward.

So…How do we nurture our trust in the universe, and How do we loosen our grip on what we think we need? I believe it starts with awareness of our own thinking. What have you been believing about your relationship to the universe? Do you trust it to stay faithful, to love you endlessly? For my part, I was a nagging, controlling wife to the universe for many years, leaving it only the jobs that I thought it couldn't screw up too badly, believing I had to do most everything myself. My biggest clue was how I was showing up in my other relationships. Acting that way did not foster trust, only resentments. But it did bring self awareness to the areas where I was being controlling, which is exactly what I needed to see, in order to do it another way. We are all in a constantly evolving relationship with the divine.

At the start of this year, I took Gabby Bernstein’s 30-Day Manifesting Challenge and learned a lot about co-creating with the universe, in a collaborative, respectful relationship. It’s all about your energy. I’m sure you’ve been in social situations where someone else’s energy has influenced your own. If you’re an empath, you definitely know what I mean. The people you’re drawn to, most likely have a welcoming, vibrant energy. Since the challenge, I’ve been leaning into 2 of the mantras, more so each day. The first is “Feeling good is my priority.” In other words, I can’t get my energy right if I don’t feel good inside myself. So, it comes down to starting within, and prioritizing what makes you feel great. For me, that’s honoring my body with daily yoga and healthy food, learning Spanish, seeking out the joyous parts of being a mom, not letting myself measure my worth with my daily productivity, spending time with people and books and in spaces that inspire me, taking small steps towards big goals, and allowing myself to dream big. It’ll look different for everyone….but to get you started…What makes you feel good in your body? What makes you feel good in your imagination (your mind)? What makes you feel good in your heart and soul? There’s often a lot of voices when you’re first beginning this work, telling you all the reasons why you can’t do this or that. And if you’re finding that to be a hindrance in this exercise, it’s a sign that coaching might help. Coaching can help you remove obstacles so that you can live your best life. After jotting down a few things that you can do consistently to feel good… show up for yourself by doing the things that welcome ease and feeling good. As it’s a relationship, it’s easy to blame the other party, but so often taking responsibility for our part is the key to healing. When you can do this, you build trust. 

The 2nd mantra I learned from the manifesting challenge, that both awakens and quiets my soul, is “Good things can come easily.” And when I really think of it, so many of the best things in my life flowed to me without much effort, proclivities for the visual and performing arts for example. I got better because I showed up for the natural talents I enjoyed and progress followed. What if my controlling and forcing, every time I had to try really hard, was not a test of will, but simply information. What if the things that come easily are the things that are meant for me? What if “all worthwhile things take hard work and effort” is just a lie I’ve been telling myself (granted because it’s one society would gladly have me believe). My mind starts searching for evidence to disprove this ease thing…I think of parenting. Aha! Parenting is really hard work, I think. But then, there’s a little voice, one that whispers “well it is, the way you’ve been doing it”. And, ugh, I get so annoyed with that voice, because it’s right. When I try to parent with authority, focused on behavior and measures of character, that’s when it’s hard. When I focus on helping my boys to feel good, building their confidence and trust, spending time playing and laughing with them, it’s amazing how effortless it feels. 

The thought “Good things can come easily” has brought so much peace into my life and my family relationships, and more and more trust in the universe. It’s been guiding me, and giving me clues that it will make easy work of the things that are truly meant for me. So, I invite you to try on this thought…see how it lands with you, then notice with curiosity any places of resistance. 

The next time you find yourself with some outcome attachment, can you give it over to the universe? Consider it an act of trust, an opportunity for the universe to take care of you. What if all the universe has ever wanted is to serve you. This little prayer I learned from Gabby Bernstein might help…”Universe, please help me in manifesting ______, or something even better.” Give over your worry and stress for that which you can’t control anyway. And then go get your energy right to receive by doing the things that make you feel good. What if feeling good and doing the things that felt easy (to you) were your only job on this earth? Can you imagine how it might feel to live so free?

With all my love,

Rebecca