My Why

I came to this work in a wayward way, through an artist’s journey of discovering herself. For the sake of being taken seriously as an artist and fear of being seen as flighty, I tried to hide away the other parts of myself. I had to learn to let all of me be present, not hiding my musical roots, design background, proclivity for writing, and strong desire for deep, meaningful conversation. I learned that lesson very slowly. When I started to listen to my heart, I realized I was drawn, in that moment and every single one thereafter, to the truth...the depth of conversation I had in counseling and coaching sessions. My heart said, “Pssst, this way.” It was taking me toward a life coach training that would change my life. 

There were a million reasons not to do it, the people who would judge me for being “too many things”, the question “where in the world would I get the money?”, the fear of trusting a quiet whisper over logic and reason. But all these reasons and more could not sway my heart, body, and soul, and they slowly led my mind onboard. I wanted to do something bigger than me and what I could create in my studio. I wanted to help others find truth and meaning, and share my gifts for intuition that had been yearning for a place in my identity for a lifetime. And when I dove in, it was the deepest and truest place I’d ever been. The neck pain I’d been suffering with for years began to ease, and a calm began to settle over my turbulent Covid-quarantined life. In the isolation of 2020, I began to feel the most connected and free I’d ever felt, so light and full of magic.

My training program, the Wayfinder Life Coach Training with the Martha Beck Institute, not only taught me the how, it asked me to discover my why. I knew I wanted to serve others, but for myself, what was I hoping for? With my training ending over the summer, I’ve been sitting with these questions even more, “Why do the stakes feel so high?”, “What’s important to me about this work?”, “What am I afraid of and what do I desire?” This morning, I asked myself why again and again, going deeper and deeper. The fear I felt was so present, and it finally told me the honest truth. I never again want to do work I hate. Whew, clearly those years of back-breaking work left an impact.

We live in a culture where too often our source of income is the source of our suffering. And that’s not the legacy I want to leave for my children. I’ve worked many jobs that broke my body and spirit as I struggled to find time and energy for my artwork. I did it because culture told me that’s what a mother should do and what an artist had to do to survive. Why? I was taught that doing something you love was selfish and that everyone hates their job. Nope. Those are not truths my friend, those are chains. And it is time to break free.

I refuse to teach my children that to love and care for another means abandoning yourself. I want them to experience my love for them the way it feels, like a breeze on a blade of grass releasing the heavy morning dew drop. I want them to see the beauty in love and the giving of it to be joyful. And that’s how I feel while coaching, like I’m in harmony with the universe. It feels purposeful...magical. To be a part of someone’s support system, to help them to heal and find more happiness, brings meaning to my life. And that feeling is something I want to follow. I want my life, my clients’ lives, and my family’s lives to be full of joy, freedom, and meaning. And, we simply can’t find those things by living miserable. So my why has become pretty simple, I do this work, because I enjoy it! Every session makes me feel more myself and more free.

So, if you’re doing something you don’t enjoy, I invite you to ask yourself “Why?” Martha Beck calls this the 5 Whys. Dean Graziosi uses a similar exercise called 7 Levels Deep. The method is the same, keep asking “Why is that?”, “What do you think that’s about?”, “What are you afraid of?” or any other version of why that invites you to get to the heart of the issue. The number of times you ask doesn’t matter. You’ll know when you reach the deep truth, because your body will settle, you may feel strong emotion, and you will feel in your soul the truth of what you’ve just said or realized. 

If you want someone to guide you through this exercise or you’re intrigued by the idea of no longer doing things you hate, I’m here to help!